Tag Archives: a crash course in self

Giving Birth

This blog is born of a stomach-ache.

Coincidentally, it’s a stomach-ache that I’ve had for about nine months although it has nothing to do with anything related to the procreative act or biological progeny.

Dissecting the cause of the stomach-ache is currently impossible but this blog is my attempt at trying.  I suspect that we’ll find at the roots my anxiety about the impermanence of life, frustration about the world in general, a general feeling of unworthiness, and a persistent stench that I call “fear of failure.”  Mixed in is my underlying sense that some care for me more than I feel I can reciprocate (that’s a lot of pressure), whereas to others I scarcely matter.  Intrigued yet?

This blog will be part story-telling, part diary, and probably all gibberish.  I will do my best to edit and apply some kind of craft to it but will not allow concerns of quality to keep me from contributing.  I have three other blogs, a Twitter feed, and a tower of crafting supplies that are stale because I want their products to be perfect.  That’s not how this will be.  I will post at least once  a week (excluding times of disease or disaster), come what may.

I don’t expect that anyone except the most random of webcrawlers will find this blog and I don’t plan on sharing it with anyone who knows me – it would embarrass me deeply and risk hurting others.  But, I need to publish this online because I need to think that there’s a cosmic “someone” who is reading this and holding me accountable.  Without accountability, this blog will die and I’ll never resolve my stomach-ache.

All I can promise is that I’ll be honest, diligent in posting, and will make some attempt to deliver my thoughts with my usual (albeit questionable) dry charm.  There’s no unifying theme except me – I believe that’s interesting to very few but it’s all I got.

That, and the stomach-ache.

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Posted by on February 24, 2011 in auto-biographical, Thoughts


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